S2 Ep1 - Clearing the Fog

Join me on this empowering journey of self-discovery as we explore the concept of self-worth. Listen in as we unpack the notion that every individual is born with a deep sense of self-worth, and how life experiences and circumstances can disconnect us from this innate value. We'll share stories of how childhood experiences have influenced our self-worth and the steps taken to reconnect with it. 

In this enlightening journey, we'll discuss stepping into your entire self-worth and abundance. I'll share my personal story and the lessons learned along the way. This episode is a supportive guide for anyone discovering their worth and learning to embody it fully. So, whether you've been a long-time listener or are joining us for the first time, we invite you to step into your power and join us on the journey to becoming your warrior.

With love,
Em xx

You can follow Emma at:

https://www.instagram.com/emmaritchiewellness/
https://www.facebook.com/emmaritchiewellness/

Chapters

• 0:01 Uncovering and Reconnecting With Self-Worth
• 15:18 Becoming Your Warrior

Transcript

Hey, hey, welcome to episode one of season two of the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is Em Super excited to have you back, yay. And if you're joining for the first time, welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. 

As I mentioned in the trailer, the entire season is 100% dedicated to helping you find and reconnect with your unlimited vat of self-worth, which is the self-worth that you were born with. And if the word self-worth doesn't make sense or resonate with you, then I understand because I didn't have a name for it myself. But I just knew some of the issues and symptoms I had in my life, which now I understand were massively connected to lower self-worth. Just let's start at the beginning with self-worth. You are when you are born, okay? It doesn't matter who or what life you're born into. It doesn't matter about your parents; it doesn't matter about anything like that. When you are born, like the second you are born, and come onto this incredible planet, you are born with the absolute knowledge that you are worthy, loved, and have pure light energy. You are more than enough. You deserve love because you are loved, and so you have this understanding, and that's why babies, you know, they cry, and they rely on, and they expect to be loved and cared for because they know they're entitled to love because they are love and they feel that and they feel their worthiness. Now what happens is this incredible, unlimited fact. It's still with you right now. It doesn't matter whether you're 15 or 50 or 500 if you are terrific, but it doesn't matter how old you are. You have unlimited self-worth. 

Suppose you are doubting that what has happened is a life experience. So usually, 99.9% of the time, it's childhood stuff. When you are a child, whatever you've gone through in your life, you internalize so much of this stuff. So let's say, for example, you're born into a loving family, but you're around a parent who only really shows you attention when you are getting straight A's or if you are the top sports person in your school and when you don't do that, your worth is determined on that. And so what happens with that is that you become a perfectionist in adulthood. You become so driven and focused because you still feel like you need to prove yourself, and so your self-worth is determined. It's focused on your accolades and your achievements and your medals, and without them, you generally people in their 30s start to sort of crumble around this stage because they realize that like, oh my god, I can't be the best at anything for the rest of my life. I'm exhausted and burning out, but their self-worth is so focused on that. 

So another example might be that maybe you grew up in a household where there was lots of arguing or maybe where somebody was sick, whether that was a parent or a sibling. So you learned to internalize your feelings, not rock the boat or add drama to anyone else. You trained your mind, you know. You taught your mind to understand that you're not as important as that person who is ill. Your problems aren't as big as that person who is sick. Your emotions, you know you don't want to add to your parents' worry if your brother or sister was ill, like. So you just took on this role of probably like another parent but ultimately cut yourself off from your worth, and so as an adult, it might be that you find it hard to express yourself and ask for what you want. You might find it challenging to be vulnerable and express and even feel your feelings. You might be like I don't experience the range of emotions because you've shut things off. But there will always be symptoms. There will always be behavior or patterns that make you feel like something might be wrong. There's nothing wrong with you at all. 

What has happened is, and this is the easiest way that I've understood it myself, is if you imagine you're born with this unlimited vat of self-worth and then over time, all of these in all of these situations in your life, all of these events happen in your life and so what happens is this fog builds around that vat of self-worth. It gets thicker and thicker and thicker and thicker until you are so disconnected from your worthiness that you don't even know how to ask for something. You don't even know how to look somebody in the eye because you feel like they're on a pedestal and I'm not worthy. And I'm just going to share my journey with this and where this has come from because, hopefully, that will help you connect to it more. But for people that know me, this might come as a surprise, or maybe not for people that know me in my career, as you know, I'm confident, and I believe, anyway, you know, great at speaking with people and I love being around people. 

But my low self-confidence played out because, you know, when I was growing up, there was a tremendous amount of loss at a young age. I had a lot of trauma; I had a lot of failures. I lost my father when I was young. I lost my grandparents very young; there was a significant family fallout. There was. I lost my dad and then lost contact with that entire family side for the next six or seven years. So, everything happened from the age of five years old. 

And then, you know, and this is, there's no one pointing fingers, no one's to blame here, but you know, my mum remarried. That person just was not equipped to be a stepfather, and so that was, you know, quite a traumatic relationship to kind of witness as a young girl because there was lots of arguing. I was, you know, kind of my belief, and what I had to learn was to be quiet, not rock the boat, and not upset anyone. And you know, my job as a young girl was to try to make this guy stay. And so, if you can imagine like that as a young girl, and again, so much love to everybody involved in that whole situation, you know, but it's been a big thing like unraveling that. But I learned that my emotions weren't necessary, that I had to fix other people in my family and that they came first, and that my job was to make men stay. And when I was 12 years old, eventually, thank goodness, this person left our lives. 

But I guess I didn't realize that the damage had been done, so my programming around self-worth was that men were up on this pedestal. You behaved a certain way around them, and you didn't rock the boat, and you just made them happy, and if they were pleased, then you could be satisfied. And that was pretty much my entire adult relationship with, you know, partners and with men. It's been a bloody huge journey of realizing that all of those behaviors that I was exhibiting and all of the ways that I would try and please people and people please and not set boundaries and just be like, oh, it's okay, don't worry about it, I'm cool, I'm the chilled girl, you know, I'm so fine. I didn't respect or love myself because I'd never been allowed to. 

And so my journey of low self-worth played out in my relationships, especially with men. For me, men were up on pedestals. For me, they were to be honored. You know, old school, and as long as they were happy, I was also allowed to be satisfied, so I would do whatever they did. I went with the flow, and, look; it's been a massive journey. I mean, I've had a lot of love and support from my family, a lot of heartbreak for me, lots of, you know, lots of deep soul, deep digging. But I'm also incredibly grateful for every one of those situations; some were selfish, violent, and abusive. 

Again, I'm not trying to upset anyone, but yeah, that's part of my past now. But you know, I did not have the skills, and I didn't have the knowledge to do it. So my journey was about self-worth. It's been a substantial big breath. A bit of emotion came up there. So, basically, what I have been doing over the last few years, and especially the last year and a half, maybe two years, is, I've really been clearing that fog, and what I've been focused on is getting back and feeling my body and expressing my emotions and if something upsets me or if I'm not happy with something, knowing I have a voice, like not letting my throat clamp up as it used to, and expressing myself. And it's been a big, big, big journey of self-worth, and I'm so excited about the future. I'm so happy about my present because life is fantastic now. But the most important thing is that I am completely connected to my worth, and I will never let anyone treat me the way I allowed myself to be treated and listen to that language. It's like, obviously, you know it takes two to tango, and you know other people have done, you know, really unpleasant things to me. However, I have contributed to that in the same breath, and I'm here on my own now. Because of my low self-worth, I allowed those things to happen, but now that I understand what self-worth is, that will never, ever, ever happen again. I can promise you that. So life's pretty exciting because once you start to tap into self-worth. It's like everything changes. 

So, as I said, for you, it might be that you know, maybe you have low self-worth around, like you know your job, or you've got this ceiling of like how much money you can earn, and you're like, oh, I'm not worth that, I don't deserve going for that, or I could never do that, you know. Or it might be that you know it might be around your body, it might be around your friendships, it might be around your finances, it could be around so many different things. But the primary way you'll ever see somebody with low self-worth play out is they will generally end up. I don't say anyone goes into relationships to be abused. They do not, and no one deserves it. But typically, people who have been through or are going through abusive relationships have a sense of lower self-worth, and that can be that they went in with good self-worth, but it's just been shipped away. Other ways are people-pleasers. So people who say yes to everything, very malleable people, people who are like, you know, adjust to everyone around them. 

I always find if somebody offers to do something quickly into meeting them for you, I'm always kind of like, whoa, that's very fast, that's a very speedy way to speed up the friendship, but it's a lot of the times it's like as somebody with lower self-worth. You need to please others and make others happy to get them to like you. It's essential because your worth is based, and your validation is based on what other people think of you rather than how you love yourself. So, anyway, it's so exciting, and I'm excited to sort of, as always, be with you, and, as I said, I've been doing this work now for a few years. But, as always, whenever I do these podcasts, it's like I know I'm talking to you, but as I'm talking to you, I'm continually healing myself and reinforcing these lessons. So I'm in it with you. 

So, in terms of this fog, and that's why I've called this podcast, this fog is those life events; it's those limiting beliefs that are now blocking you from tapping into your incredible abundance of self-worth. And when you live from a place of real deep connection to self-worth, you live a good life. You go for the things you want; you hold people's gaze, smile, laugh, and see the love in everybody. But you also are very highly tapped into your intuition; you listen to it and let it guide you. You don't let yourself talk yourself out of it. 

Something that I want to say is a beautiful quote by this fantastic lady, a sorry, amazing person called Ayan Lavansant, and sad, I've bodged that up, but the section goes, I don't get to tell you how to love me. I get to decide if I want to be a participant in the way that I love. I will say that again, so I don't get to tell you how to love me. I get to decide if I want to be a participant in the way that I love. And if you think about that and apply that to your relationships with your parents, siblings, partner, and friends, you don't have to waste your time trying to teach another adult how to be and love you. Instead, you use your energy to love yourself and honor your self-worth, and from that place, you get to decide whether this person is your person, whether this person you know. You get to play with, like, and participate with this person, and you want to continue to do that because the way that they love you feels good, as it should do. 

Love is meant to feel good. It's not meant to feel scary; it's not meant to feel controlling; it's not meant to feel repressive or oppressive. It's love; it is just love. It's joy, and you know that's not to say you won't have disagreements, arguments, fallouts, or heated conversations with people. It's about I don't get to teach you how to love me. I get to decide whether to participate in the way that I love. So if someone treats you poorly, you get to choose whether you want to participate. You get to decide if you wish to stay in that situation. And if you were choosing to remain in a position where you are being treated poorly, there's a perfect chance you have low self-worth, so that's what this journey is about. It's about clearing that fog, clearing all that crap out of the way. 

As I said, every single episode is going to be wholly focused on a topic that is connected to self-worth, and I'm going to be sharing a little bit more about my story as we go along as well. Hopefully, that gives you a little bit more insight and allows you to trust me a little bit more and understand that I'm on this journey with you. So, yeah, buckle up. Here we go again. Season two, episode one, keep stepping forward and keep stepping into becoming your warrior. I'm so excited to help you step into abundance and into the absolute God-given right to step into your entire self-worth. Thanks for your company today. If you want to feel inspired visually, head to our Instagram page and follow us at Becoming your Warrior.