S2 Ep 10 - Make Life Easy for Yourself

Hey You, 

What if I told you there's freedom found in dismantling the need to validate others and focus on the relationships that truly matter? Today, journey with me as we delve deep into a transformative exploration of self-worth and the importance of genuine relationships. From my life experiences, I share my evolution from a chronic people-pleaser, endlessly seeking approval from those who didn't value me, to an individual who understands their self-worth and focuses on those who genuinely care.

Join me as I delve into how authenticity can attract love and positive relationships into your life. Discover how embracing your self-worth can change your perspective and lead you to realize that you deserve love and don't need to seek it from others constantly. Through my personal experiences and insights, I hope to inspire you to understand your value and focus on the love already in your life. Listen in as I encourage you to be yourself, to let go of the unattainable, and to focus on the relationships that make you feel loved and appreciated.

With Love,
Em xx

You can follow Emma at:

https://www.instagram.com/emmaritchiewellness/
https://www.facebook.com/emmaritchiewellness/

Transcript

0:00:01 - Speaker 1
Welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is the place where you get to feel inspired and empowered to step into your very best life. Hey, hey, this is M. Welcome to this episode of the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is season two. This entire season is all about helping you to clear the fog and get back to your life of high value, high worth and just going after the things that make you feel lit up and make you feel inspired and make you just believe in yourself. 

And this episode is entitled Make Life Easy for Yourself, and it's specifically focused on your friends, your family, on the people that you surround yourself with, and the reason that I've called it Make Life Easy for Yourself is because I, as somebody with lower self-worth, back in the day, I would make life very, very, very hard for myself when it came to relationships. Now, a lot of this stems from my childhood. A big chunk of this, I know, is directly connected to the relationship that I had with my brother, who's older than me, and when I was growing up, I was very much the little sister. I really looked up to my brother. I idolized him, in fact, and just kind of tried to copy him and tried to be like him and tried to make him like me. And you know me and my brother still are not very close today. I love him very much, and you know I really wish life to work out in the best possible way for him. But we're very, very different people. But it's taken me a really long time to kind of let go of that Because when I was younger, because I didn't really rate myself that much and because I didn't even really like myself that much, I just wanted him to like me so badly and that kind of played out into adult life. 

So it was kind of like if you imagine, you've got all these people around you that love you and want to spend time with you and really like your company, but you are focused because you're a people pleaser. You're focused on that one person who maybe just gives you a little bit of attitude or maybe just isn't that engaged with you, and you turn it into a mission to almost like try and do everything to make that one person like you. Because if you've won that one person over, then it means everybody likes you, and you've won, and you've succeeded and you're probably, like, you know, finishing off any sort of childhood stuff where somebody didn't really like you or love you very much when you were younger, and you're finishing off that cycle. The truth is, you're making your life very, very, very difficult for yourself. As somebody who used to struggle with low self-worth, that was my thing. I literally would have this group of like 10 people around me that loved me so much, but my focus would always be on that 11th person, how can I make that person like me? What can I do? How can I figure them out? And here's the truth about people People are never going to behave the way that you want them to, and if their behavior is affecting you in a negative way, you need to look at why you are allowing it to affect you. 

So this is what I mean about making your life easy for you. If you've got people in your life that are consistent, that show up on time, that you know back you in situations, that listen to you, that have fun with you, that, like want to go out and do something, that is always contacting you and wants to spend time with you, why don't you go the easy route and actually look and focus on cultivating friendships with those people or cultivating relationships with your family members that show up for you. Let's say, for example, you had, like, I don't know, one of your parents was just completely inconsistent when you were growing up. They didn't show up. Maybe your parents were separated, or they just didn't have the capacity to love you in the way that you need it. Just look at your life right now and just look. 

Does that translate? Are you constantly, you know, kind of finding yourself drawn to like inconsistent people or people who don't show up, or people who just don't know how to love you? And if you are, that is a cycle that you're trying to complete; that is a childhood cycle you're trying to complete. So what I would say to you is, instead of focusing on the lack of what they can do for you, the lack of love, the lack of consistency, why don't they love me? Why don't they show up for me? Why don't they, you know, just like me? Because I'm an amazing person and trying to prove myself to this person who, let's face it, isn't really worth your time anyway why don't you instead focus on all the love that you do have around you? Why don't you focus on the friends that you have got around you, that are there, that pick up the phone when you call, that organize fun things away, that want to spend time with you, that love your company? Why don't you focus on that instead? Because otherwise, you're completely focusing on lack. 

You're focusing on this one person or these couple of people that are highly likely never going to be able to give you what you need, and a good thing to do at this stage is to really look at why. Why do I need this person's love or likeness? Why do I need this person to like me? What would it mean if this person liked me? Why is it so important to me that this person likes me? And if you genuinely cannot think of a decent answer to that question, then you need to start letting go. You need to start just letting go, because happiness is on the other side of letting go, and the more that you focus, the more that you make your life hard for you and go after these people or try and spend time with these people or try and make these people like you, you are draining your life force. You are wasting your time on planet earth trying to make somebody like you, where you actually already have people around you that like you and love you, and maybe you just need to open your eyes and see who is the friend that messages you all the time, who is the friend that shows up for you, who is the friend that wants to listen to you and for you that might even seem like a little bit, almost like boring, like that. This person wants to spend time with you because, guess what, you grew up in a household or you grew up in an environment where you had to prove your worth time and time again. But here's this person who's consistent and likes you and wants to be with you and wants to spend time with you. And this can be in friendships. This can also be in intimate relationships as well. 

Sometimes we're attracted as people who are, you know, people please or people who are now working on raising their self-worth. We're attracted to what we can't have or what isn't available to us because that's how we were brought up. We were brought up trying to prove ourselves worthy of love, trying to prove ourselves worthy of, you know, our worth, trying to just, you know, prove that we were enough. But you might have people around you that already know that about you, that already adore you, that already know that you're enough, already know that you're worthy, but you're just looking over them because it doesn't feel. The anxiety isn't there. The anxiety that you think is what love is and what a relationship is, isn't there. It's just. This person is consistent, and that's not what your subconscious mind is used to. 

So this is what I mean about making life easy for yourself. You have got people around you that absolutely worship you and love you and adore you, and maybe it's time to take the focus off the unobtainable person. Maybe it's time to take focus on comparing yourself to other people and trying to be like other people and actually just being yourself and realizing that you're already loved exactly as you are. Maybe it's time to really focus on those relationships and stop looking for that kind of shiny object. You know, far off in the distance, that you have to work hard for. You don't need to work hard for friendship. You get it, As you know. When you meet somebody and the energy is right and you just click, you know that that person is one of your people. You don't need to go chasing anything else. 

So have a think about this, like feel into this, because now you're getting really good at feeling into your body and maybe look at your exes. Did you have to work really hard for them? You know was? Did you ever feel like you were never good enough? Did they make you feel like you were never good enough? Did you feel that you constantly had to be funny and entertaining and the life and soul of the party and soft and caring and feminine, but also, you know, masculine and sexy, like you know? Did you just feel that you were constantly trying to be something for somebody else rather than just being yourself, rather than just being you, and realizing that the right people will come to you when you stop working so hard for it? The right people are probably already there. They're already in your life. 

It's just something inside you, something in your subconscious, telling you that it's not exciting if you're not working hard for it. It's not a real relationship, it's not real love unless you're pushing yourself over and over and over and proving yourself and saying, hey, look at me, this is how amazing I am. Now you need to fall in love with me and be constantly disappointed. Let's take a deep breath, and here's your aligned action point for this podcast. Just say to yourself every single day, life happens easily for me. 

I attract great people into my life by showing up as me. I am enough, and I am worthy, and I am completely loved and completely lovable. I don't need to search for love. I don't need to search for people to love me. I'm attracting people into my life that see me for exactly who I am I am love. I am enough; I am worthy. Thanks so much for listening. If you don't wanna miss out on feeling inspired, then just remember to subscribe or follow the Becoming Your Warrior podcast and turn your notifications on so they get delivered directly to you. 

Transcribed by https://podium.page