How Do I Know If They Are the Right One ?

What if every relationship you’ve had, especially the messy, painful ones, wasn’t a mistake but a message? 

We discuss how partners can reflect our self-worth, boundaries, and beliefs, and why this reflection is the fastest path to growth when we learn to read it clearly. From being the fixer who absorbs chaos to becoming the chooser who sets standards, we trace the turning points that shift us from repeating patterns to living with intention.

We unpack a powerful reframe: attraction isn’t the same as permission. You can’t always control who arrives, but you can control who stays. That starts with pace. We talk through why butterflies often signal anxiety rather than destiny, how real connection tends to feel calm, and why patience gives you time to see what’s true. Instead of rushing into chemistry, you watch consistency: do words match actions, is there follow-through, how do they behave when it’s inconvenient? This is where alignment replaces guesswork and self-protection stops being a wall and becomes a wise gate.

Along the way, we share practical cues for navigating early dating dynamics and polarity: set the tempo, trust your intuition, and let someone’s response to your boundaries reveal their readiness. If familiar red flags knock, you don’t blame yourself for attracting them—you don’t allow entry. The lesson is simple and freeing: you can’t make a wrong choice if you’re willing to learn, but you can make a kinder one by listening to your body, taking your time, and choosing the partner who honours your pace.

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Please send me a message at emma@emma-ritchie.com

Emx 

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Transcript

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Welcome & Core Premise

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is the place where you get to feel inspired and empowered to step into your very best life. Hello, welcome.

Are They The “Right One”?

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Today we are talking about how all and every single relationship you have in your life is the right one. And I get this a lot because I get a lot of people coming to me and asking me, like, but how do I know if they're the right one? And this relates to, I guess, more real romantic relationships. But the truth is they are all the right ones. And that could be a bit of a shock or a bit of a jolt to you because you may have been with people who have been quite hurtful to you in the past or have let you down or broke up with you at a really vulnerable moment in time. And you're like, how on earth can they possibly be the right one? But we are here as humans to evolve. We are here to break through our constraints, our limiting beliefs, break through these ideas of

Painful Past, Hidden Lessons

SPEAKER_00 1:08

ourselves. And the best way that we can do that is through relationships, because what external relationships teach us is about the internal relationship that we have with ourselves. So I'm going to speak from personal experience. In my 20s, I definitely attracted and then allowed romantic relationships into my life that were definitely not what you you would call a cookie cut out of what a relationship should be. I attracted people with addictions. I attracted people who had trauma in their life, unresolved trauma, that they were not at that stage in their life ready to deal with or ready to look at. And so I stepped in as a healer. I stepped in as not just a girlfriend, but I stepped into this role of like kind of like mother, carer, nurturer, fixer. And what those relationships taught me, like at the time, super painful. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. You know, there was like abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse in there that I was on the receiving end of a really unpleasant stage of my life. Um, however, what those relationships taught me was that I was lacking massive amounts of self-worth. Now I didn't discover this later until later on when I started on my healing journey. But now I can look back at those relationships, and this has come with a lot of work. So this is not something that you have to do straight away or like gaslight yourself or spiritually bypass yourself. But now, even though those relationships were very harmful,

From Allowing To Choosing

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I'm gonna just call a spade a spade. Um, I actually look back at those relationships now with a lot of gratitude, and that has come, like I said, with a lot of work, a lot of internal work to actually recognize that those relationships were right for me because they hurt that much that they propelled me to where I am today, where I have done a lot of work on myself, healed a lot of the stuff within myself, and now those kind of personalities, those kind of issues, those kind of people will not get anywhere near me on a personal level. Like I help people with those issues, but I don't um get involved with people with those issues. So for me, um that that statement of they are all the right ones, how do you know that someone's the right one for you? You're never gonna know, but they all are. And so the the one thing that I would, the one caveat to that is like as you've started doing work on yourself, if you see somebody coming into your life that is showing these old traits, it's not, don't blame yourself for attracting them in. You're still gonna attract people. The key is whether you're gonna allow it, whether you are gonna, you know, it might be that you're dating someone for three months and then these things show up and you're like, I could just carry on. The old me would just carry on with this. Um, but actually I've stepped into my power. Now I speak up for myself, now I stand up for myself. And whether that person decides to, you know, change and transform their own lives to be with you is up to them. It's not up to you. So you're not there like fighting for them to like change. So, yeah, so they are all the right ones. Um, people show up in your life to teach you a lesson. It's up to you whether you allow them to come in to your life. But I will guarantee that every relationship you have around you, your relationship to money, your relationship to friends, your relationship to loved ones, your relationship to your family, your relationship to your career, your relationship to you know, your bravery, everything is about your relationship to yourself. So the only way that we grow and evolve and break through and expand and ascend is by our relationship showing up in the outer world and reflecting back who we are.

Intuition Over Butterflies

SPEAKER_00 4:58

So, in times of going forward, if you meet somebody, if somebody comes into your life and you are just unsure, my bit of advice is feel, like actually, like really trust your intuition if you've got like crazy butterflies. We we were told in the movies that that was a good thing. That ain't a good thing. That's a trauma response, that's anxiety coming up. Um, real love, real connection, a real soul connection feels very calm. Um, so feel into like if that's how you feel when you meet somebody. And also watch people, really sit back and observe, don't rush into anything.

Pace, Polarity, And Patience

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Um, especially for like the masculine, like on the on the male side, men are a bit more fast moving, they're a bit more action, there's a bit more heat with them. Um, and if you are in a heterosexual relationship or dating, you know, a guy dating a girl or vice versa, the woman um really take your time, you set the pace, you get to decide where things go and how quickly or how slowly they move. And the right person at the time will be the person that honors that, that honors the feminine and actually goes, okay, you are worth kind of waiting for, you are worth going at your pace. Like I'm I'm happy to go at your pace.

Actions Reveal Character

SPEAKER_00 6:18

And what this allows you to do is it allows you to really get to know a person, it allows you to see who this person is, not just by what they say, but also by what they do. Actions, that that saying actions speak louder than words, is it's an oldie, but it's a goody. So give yourself the time and the space to see the actions. How does somebody interact with, you know, uh like weight stuff? How does somebody um show up in the world? Is somebody consistent? You know, is this person saying they're gonna do what they um what they want to do and then not following through or following through? You know, like all of this is stuff that really takes your time in the beginning to really observe somebody because there will be signs very, very, very early on in any relationship, you know, that really show you who this

Closing Reflection & Share

SPEAKER_00 7:08

person is. So um sending you so much love, they are all the right ones. You can't make a mistake with this, but the only thing I will say is really trust your intuition, give yourself some time, and uh you set the pace. All right, sending you so much love. See you soon. Thanks for listening today, and if this episode helped or inspired you, just remember to share it to your friends or family who could also use some inspiration today. We are all about sharing the love.